2015-05-02

Sexuality is like the tip of an iceberg

This is a picture of mine that emerged some time ago. Sexuality does not exist on its own, but it heavily connected the innermost emotions and needs a person has. It is like the tip of an iceberg. There is so much hidden underneath and it determines what shows up.

Those guys, who tried to convert homosexuals, tried to destroy the tip. And like in case of an iceberg, another part shows up. In reality, removing the tip of an iceberg only makes it's orientation more stable. Conversion therapy attacked the part that is only a consequence. In many senses the iceberg behaves like the heads of Hydra.

The current picture of sexuality as a fixed point along the axis from pure-homosexual to pure-heterosexual is simply wrong. I see sexuality like a multi-directional thing. Humans love every possible group of people more or less. Loving one group does not automatically mean no love for other groups. Its like beams of different length fastened to the center of an iceberg, which determines the shape of it.

Quite often, when i read biographies of person with non-heterosexual orientation, i find many things wrong in their family lives. Even Stephen Fry commented in his "out there" series that he did not come from a "normal" family. Boylovers also report about the lack of some emotional attachment in their childhood.

Sexuality was and is so imperatively important for the survival of mankind that the mechanisms of sexuality must have been hard wired at the lowest level, hence much below the consciousness. The nature of ones sexuality is not a choice. But i don't think that it is random or without any purpose, it does not happen by accident. There is this picture of homosexuals that the other part makes them a whole; they complete each other. Hence one could think of homosexuality as the search of a companion that reduces ones own perceived deficits. I said perceived, because those might not be real ones, but something indoctrinated in childhood.

The case with childlovers of all kind might be similar. We love girls and boys, whether small, peripubertal, or teenagers, only from the same race with traits similar to our own or exotic, all this to a more or less degree. Hence, we are dealing with an universe of childlovers. Also here sexuality towards children is only the tip of the iceberg. For some reason those adults are drawn to children, the main reason is hidden underneath the surface - since procreation is ruled out, it's basically not about having sex.

Some find children attractive, because adults are so mean, especially women. The current stigmatization works like a charm - similar to removing the tip of an iceberg, making it just much more stable.

I find the name sexology as a term for a science hilarious, since it is not a separate field if one follows my picture. How they can just deal with sexuality and ignore everything else, is completely incomprehensible to me. James, the guru, is looking at brain structure and erections, while others look at brain activity when it is exposed to nice pictures. This seems a dead end, at least to me. In order to understand sexuality, one has to discover the motives, what gives satisfaction besides orgasm.

My conclusion: if one wants to cure the sexuality of people, one has to dive and work on the parts underneath. Sexology researchers entertain the idea that sexuality is fluid, but so far have failed at making it work. From what i understand, it will be a lot of work, if not futile.

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